(no subject)

[sauergeek]

I have recently discovered a question that I have been searching for the answer to for many years. The question is a simple one, so I suspect that (like most simple questions) it has an extremely complex answer. The question:

When is it appropriate to ask someone out on a date?

I can't claim any particular competence at dating. If anything, I would claim a particular incompetence at dating, as I have no idea what I'm doing. My dating history totals a single date, probably in late 1988. (And no, it was not with the person who is now my ex-wife.) It was moderately unsuccessful, in that no further dates ever happened.

Comments

Re: Many different answers - all correct, all wrong

[sauergeek.livejournal.com]

I've been doing the other cowardly thing for far too long, which is to never ask someone out at all.

I do like the tip; that makes sense.

Re: Many different answers - all correct, all wrong

[dcltdw]

Similar to conflict de-escalation, I think you want to give people outs.

Dinner is horrible for a first date. C.f. speed dating: the reason it works is that people really can (and do!) form accurate impressions of people in a few minutes. If this I Thought This Was A Good Idea goes south in a hurry, hey, finish your coffee and you're outta there. Dinner, not so much.

Also, depending on the person (like me), there's a lot of ... I dunno, emotional investment? into Going Out To Dinner With Someone. Cup of coffee, hey, I do that fourteen, fifteen times a day, right? ;) So it's not that big a deal, which makes me more relaxed, which means that I'm not sending off I Am Very Nervous vibes (or I'm less likely to), which means I open up and the other person gets to know me better... all good stuff. The point isn't to win; the point is to not waste time in us getting to know each other.

Wait, let me repeat that. The point isn't to win; the point is to not waste time in us getting to know each other.

I expect to see lj entries about all the coffee shops in your area by the end of next week. ;)

Re: Many different answers - all correct, all wrong

[sauergeek.livejournal.com]

I expect to see lj entries about all the coffee shops in your area by the end of next week.

There is one small pesky detail. I do not drink coffee. Well, OK, hardly ever, and even then only for its drug effects. I can usually count the number of times I have coffee in a year on one hand. This year, I'm pretty sure I can count the number of times on no hands.

I do drink beer. I even call myself (I think appropriately) a beer snob. Yet somehow going out to a pub for a beer is considered less appropriate.

Also, depending on the person (like me), there's a lot of ... I dunno, emotional investment? into Going Out To Dinner With Someone.

In my case, the thought of asking someone out for a date is enough to raise the specter of terror. I'm still not 100% sure why, but I think not knowing the answer to my initial question is a big part of it -- I have no idea what I'm doing.

Re: Many different answers - all correct, all wrong

[dcltdw]

Got tea?

Even with a Starbucks or Peet's, there may be other options.

Obviously, do your homework and swing by those places to peruse their menu at you leisure. :)