(no subject)

[sauergeek]

I have recently discovered a question that I have been searching for the answer to for many years. The question is a simple one, so I suspect that (like most simple questions) it has an extremely complex answer. The question:

When is it appropriate to ask someone out on a date?

I can't claim any particular competence at dating. If anything, I would claim a particular incompetence at dating, as I have no idea what I'm doing. My dating history totals a single date, probably in late 1988. (And no, it was not with the person who is now my ex-wife.) It was moderately unsuccessful, in that no further dates ever happened.

Comments

[sauergeek.livejournal.com]

I don't think people do much real "dating" these days.

See, I'm not at all certain about that. It may be just that geeks (who have a reputation for being socially inept) do not do much dating, because we don't know how (my case) or for some other reason. Your ISO standard human being may well still do so.

I'd say: be up front.

I'm looking specifically for the when of things. When is it appropriate? When does it come across as creepy/skeevy/weird? When is it likely I'll get not merely a no, but a significantly bad response?

[lizzielizzie.livejournal.com]

I'm looking specifically for the when of things. When is it appropriate? When does it come across as creepy/skeevy/weird? When is it likely I'll get not merely a no, but a significantly bad response?

It all depends on the person you are asking, and the situation y'all are in.

Example: If I were at a bar with some friends, and some guy came over and asked me out, I would say no. Why? I don't consider the bar environment the kind of place to find people I'd want to date. It wouldn't matter what guy came over and asked.

Example 2: These days, any guy that I didn't really know all that well who asked me out on a date would most likely get a no. People who know me better would have a much better chance of getting me to say yes. I know my reasons why, however I don't tend to explain myself to others, which could lead to a world of confusion.

As for creepy/skeevy/weird, in all honesty it depends on the attitude of the asker, and whether or not i find the person even remotely attractive. If someone physically unattractive asked me out, I'd be creeped out. If someone cute and smarmy asked me out, I'd be annoyed. If someone cute and sincere asked me out, I'd be flattered.

As for "significantly bad response", what's the worst that can happen? She posters your neighborhood with signs that say "RAPIST"? She calls the cops on you? She screams bloody murder in your face and everyone around stares at you? Those scenarios are highly unlikely.

[sauergeek.livejournal.com]

In the bar situation, I have been remarkably successful in talking with other patrons at the bar -- random strangers -- with me. However, I have no idea how/when to convert that into anything other than talking, should I want to do so.

[dcltdw]

The mental trick that I subscribe to -- which, I should say, falls short of being sufficient to handle tho associated terror -- is to envision the worst thing that could happen if I ask them out for coffee or a phone number or whatnot.

Usually it involves said person
* bursting out laughing
* tugging the sleeve of their friend and saying, "oh my god, look who just asked me if I wanted to get coffee later!"
* immediately pulling out their cellphone and calling their friend to tell them about me -- in front of me, of course, as it would be hard to describe how inappropriately shocking I was if they didn't have me around as reference
* kick me in the nuts, just for good measure.

OK, that's the worst. *deep breath* A'right, here goes...

But no, does it really work? Not really. But it helped. :)